Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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