There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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