I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
