first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
