No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize