i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
