when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
