just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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