The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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