defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
