i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
