we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
