i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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