I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
