'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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