i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
