he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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