Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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