Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
