So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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