i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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