i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
