Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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