so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
