I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
