We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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