corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My bed smells like the plague
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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