Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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