things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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