i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
