It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
