I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
