oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
