I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
