I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
