You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
