I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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