Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
