Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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