I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
