Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
