Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I smell stomach acid.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she looked like the before picture.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
