Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
