smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
