Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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