Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
