I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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