I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
