my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
