her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
