WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
