i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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