planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
