I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
