it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My bed smells like the plague
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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