Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
