you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
