Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
