I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
