how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
