I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How does one acquire holy water?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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