I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
