before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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