Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
