Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
