nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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