I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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