Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
