Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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