jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
two words: eviction party
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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