He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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