Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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