I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
