He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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